“Refining only happens under pressure.”
I just wrote that to a friend in reference to a work transition at the same point in time that I am telling my best friend I want to quit my job. Recently, for .02 seconds, my Commanding Officer almost dealt with a resignation versus me moving forward with my day as planned. The problem isn’t people; no one did anything mean or non-negotiable to me that made me feel that way. It’s pressure. It’s an overwhelming workload. It’s feeling horrible at the fact that my job is easy, but the amount of responsibility on ONE set of shoulders feels like too much some days.
Sometimes I get to work, and I look at everything. I look at the work building; my vault; the equipment; and I just stare at my computer screen wondering if I made the right decision. I was simultaneously offered my current position + a cushion HR position at Brigade. IYKYK the difference. For a few moments I felt like I should have taken the other position. I forgot that my job felt like the right decision the day I made it. There was too much around it, leading up to the actual offer, that pointed to THIS position.
Then the weight of responsibility dulled the magic. The way I’m wired, that I must do and say all things perfect, dulled the magic. The dollar amount on the property book, the day to day, the things that pile up & disappoint people when they aren’t done, the inability to prioritize well some days versus others… it feels like a mountain now & again.
Knowing my friend just went through this with their own job I wanted to wish them well on their transition & be encouraging about it. I began to wonder what I would say to myself.
I remember in 2017 when I first felt like Miami was the place for me in this season. I waited four years for it to finally be “this” season. I think this city is a magical melting pot and I am still amazed I am able to live here. I remember being told I didn’t have to reduce in rank to score an Active Duty slot, which God confirmed for me when both offers appeared in my email. I didn’t have to reduce ANY part of myself to step into the places I am called to be. Everything pointed to “yes,” here. This unit. This job.
I have such a long list of things to be grateful for, small and large, tangible & otherwise. I hate that the pressure built up & nothing anyone has said over the last two days has made it better.
Despite that, today I am choosing to push past my emotions and continue to live in the gratitude, the happy, and the in-between spaces because refining doesn’t happen without pressure.
If this is you, too, keep going. xx, MJ
NOTE: “Reduce in rank” – imagine being a supervisor and possibly having to go back to stocking shelves & unpredictable weekly hours.
maryjuner 